So important that every weekend has dedicated family time and often plans with friends will be canceled for family meet-ups. A positive of this is that family’s are really close and are more like friends than relatives.
But one thing I don’t get is the common occurrence of inserting an outsider into your family for an afternoon or an evening. I realise that the gesture is saying that you want the new person to get to know you in a closer way and feel comfortable within your family setting. But it doesn’t make sense to me.
(I must note that I am referring to friend friends, not boyfriends and girlfriends which of course need to spend more time with the family of their partner.)
Families have years, decades of history together. Stuff that you can never understand, thousands of stories that you need to learn, stuff that is intense and personal and cannot be understood from the outside. And bringing an outsider into that circle is exposing them as exactly that, an outsider. It’s obvious. They don’t know about Uncle Jo’s surgery or that time when little kristy went missing, they don’t know anything about this family. Why? Because its not their family.
Its great to chat with a friend’s parents, to see their background, to see where the similarities lie, but is it really necessary to introduce friends to your entire family and expect them to enjoy spending an extended amount of time together?
First of all its awkward, the outsider just listens to all the conversation without having anything much to contribute except “Oh, I went to Pucon too! Its beautiful!”...
Secondly, the friend, the outsider has made a connection with you because you have something in common or you get along well. But with your family they have nothing in common! Except you. If you want to spend time with your friend, you’d think you’d be with them and sharing about your lives, not listening to them and their aunty gossip about your cousin’s new boyfriend.
It might be possessive but I’d rather just spend time with the person I became friends with and keep it at that, try to develop a friendship with that person, rather than being distracted with random family members and expected to form bonds with everyone sharing my friend’s DNA.
I would much rather meet a bunch of someone’s friends, than their family. Maybe because they will be more similar to the person I first became friends with. I think it comes down to different ideas about family and friends. Lines drawn and cultural rules put in place.
Anyway, from my point of view, the family circle is a strange place to be as the outsider. I always appreciate the invitation and try as hard as I can, but its like being on a date with 10 people, all of which demand a good first impression!
Maybe that’s it! The friend is testing you out to see if you are worth it....
Maybe that’s it! The friend is testing you out to see if you are worth it....
